FOR FEARS SAKE.

“That was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen” words from the mouth a 19 year old boy with curly hair and a wild wayward temperament. 

I had just finished a reluctant “made up on the spot” solo dance piece under a large red tent swaying to the rhythms of grace through the sound of Ron Rutter's guitar strum in the red dust town of Bourke. There was about 200 of us on mission to lend our hands to this broken indigenous community. My mentor at the time spurred me to dance for the community solo in a dance piece that would surely show freedom in a place that was riddled with shame. Women did not know their beauty here... Even just a small compliment would send them into a shame frenzy. 

I remember feeling riddled with fear so much so that I begged to back out of it all together. To paint a picture, I was a dance teacher at the time that chose to stop performing all together... battling a major case of stage fright that led me to make an inside pact with myself to never perform again... And here I was faced with a decision to endure a fear, for the sake of a community of women that had never seen freedom.  I could shrink into my little comfort cave or get over myself and do it afraid. I chose the later & still to this day I don’t know what the significance of this dance ended up being for this community but ironically I was better for it.

It’s funny how that happens... When we do something that has no obvious agenda in us receiving, we end up being the ones that receive the most. A lot happened on my insides this day. A fear that had strangled me for a long time finally let me go... 

I remember feeling radiant this day and as I walked to the back of the tent it was here that I was greeted by that 19 year old boy (whom is now my husband) and all his kind words that made me feel ever so beautiful from the inside out. I felt alive and beautiful.

So what does this story have to do with anything you ask? It has everything to do with my life stream lining into the greatest adventure I have ever lived. I often wonder if our reluctancy to not do things because of fear has stopped beautiful threads in our own life stories. This little story is one that I often re-visit and wonder what would have happened if I didn't dance that day? I'm a believer that all things work together for good regardless of our mistakes, decisions or short comings but just for games sake... I still wonder what would have happened or what might not have happened If I didn't dance that day ...? 

 

JournalTess Guinery